Because It Is That Good...

(Just a random favorite spot in my flower garden)

My sweet friend, Amber, posted a link to this article. It was so timely and so convicted
my heart. It may not be as effective for you, but this mom is guilty of putting "important"
things ahead of my children. Really, what is more important than
investing in the very precious blessings the Lord has graciously given me?!
I wanted to post the link on my blog as well because as I said, it is THAT good!

One Month... (and Change).

Well, the little one turned one month old last week. Officially, I guess he's 5 weeks tomorrow. But, hey, lets go with the day of the month. It'll make it easier. I'm a little behind, but that's just the way things are right now.

I can't believe how quickly time has passed! I will be returning to work next week (SOB!!). Please pray for my sanity. I'm still trying to get this mom-to-three thing and then to take 20 hours a week away will make it a little more crazy. I know we will definitely find our own rhythm. It may not be until 2012, but we will get there. But I do truly love having this little guy around even when it makes for a little chaos.

Today during my brief quiet time- I think there was a certain someone attached to me at the time- I prayed that God would lead me to a verse that would calm my anxious heart. (The thought of returning to work has been really hard. Darn insurance!) And this is the verse He led me to:

Psalm 73: 26 "My heart and flesh may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

I love that! The STRENGTH of my heart. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, because when I think, " I can't", His power is made perfect in my weak and failing flesh.

New Year Reflections

Today I was reading from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I had missed a few days surrounding Ethan's birth and today I read the following excerpt from the day Ethan was born. I feel like it perfectly describes the beginning of what we experienced as a family in 2010 and even as we journey into 2011. I see and feel my Father working and molding...

"My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when the time is right, the way before you suddenly clears--through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as pure gift. You feel awed by the ease in which I operate in the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.
Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles--and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than by sight,
enables you to see my Glory" -Sarah Young

I hope you had a great time reflecting on 2010 and are enjoying the first day of the New Year!

Rest

Originally uploaded by fofurasfelinas

I have a confession. I cannot rest without feeling guilty. I've been feeling pretty run down lately and when I look around at all that needs to be done or that I would love to accomplish I feel a small panic rising in my chest, thoughts of "I can't do all of this!". I struggle quite often with feeling like the condition of my house/yard/meals etc. is the measuring stick for my worth as a mom/wife. It makes me grouchy and short with my family and then the guilt just increases. I don't know why I have such a difficult time with letting things "go". I'm well aware that life is only about to get crazier, which is good, but a bit scary for me.

After crying out a quick prayer of help I sat down to read my daily reading from "Jesus Calling", by Sarah Young. What the Lord had to say to me just confirms that His timing is perfect and that He loves me even if my house is in shambles.

"Lie down in Green Pastures of Peace. Learn to unwind whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. This electronic age keeps My children "wired" much of the time, too tense to find Me in the midst of their moments, I built into your very being the need for rest. How twisted the world has become when people feel guilty about meeting this basic need! How much time and energy they waste by being always on the go, rather than taking time to seek My direction for their lives.

I have called You to walk with Me down paths of Peace. I want you to blaze a trail for others who desire to live in My peaceful Presence. I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for Me. Depend on Me more and more, and I will shower Peace on all your paths."

Hitting Home...

I recently mentioned that I have been reading, "My Utmost For His Highest" and I have been so encouraged how God is using this little book in my life. The last time I read it I was a freshman in college and I don't remember it hitting home like it has been lately. I guess having another decade (plus!) of living under my belt has changed my perspective.

I accidently read one day ahead today, but the Lord must have known I needed to read it. It has helped to change my attitude about going to work today. I don't understand why He hasn't allowed me to stay home full time. Even though it doesn't make sense to me, my eyes need to be on Him and not on my end goal.

To challenge your thinking here are the readings for today and tomorrow.

How Well Do I Know Him?

"...that I may know Him..." Philippians 3:10

"A saint is not to take the initiative toward self-realization, but toward knowing Jesus Christ. A spiritually vigorous saint never believes that his circumstances simply happen at random, nor does he ever think of his life as being divided into the secular and the sacred. He sees every situation in which he finds himself as the means of obtaining a greater knowledge of Jesus Christ, and he has an attitude of unrestrained abandon and total surrender about him. The Holy Spirit is determined that we will have the realization of Jesus Christ in every area of our lives, and He will bring us back to the same point over and over again until we do..."

"The aim of a spiritually vigorous saint is "that I may know Him . . ." Do I know Him where I am today? If not, I am failing Him. I am not here for self-realization, but to know Jesus Christ. In Christian work our initiative and motivation are too often simply the result of realizing that there is work to be done and that we must do it. Yet that is never the attitude of a spiritually vigorous saint. His aim is to achieve the realization of Jesus Christ in every set of circumstances."

-modified from Oswald Chamber, "My UtMost For His Highest

Loved

This past week has been a journey of disappointment and sadness...

I miscarried our baby at 9 weeks.

Initially I wasn't going to mention this on my blog. Sometimes it's easier to put a difficult situation in a pretty little box and shove it in the back corner of your closet and leave at least one area of your life protected from the sadness. But as I thought it through I want to be able to help someone else who may have experienced the same situation. And, ultimately, I want to bring glory to God, the One who has comforted us and sustained us through this time.

We were so excited for this new addition to our family! When I started having complications the doctor performed an ultrasound and we saw a perfect, tiny little heartbeat. He thought we had a chance to keep this little one. At home on bedrest we prayed, but also prepared our hearts that we might lose our baby. We were surrounded by love and prayers of our wonderful family and friends. Within 24 hrs the baby was gone. We certainly don't understand why, but we KNOW we can trust the Lord with our lives and the lives of our children.

This passage has brought great comfort to me over the last few days:

¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

¹⁴ The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

¹⁶ You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.

¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

(photo courtesy of: photobucket-missjessica86)

Consider the Lilies

This weekend I've been in a funk. I've been off of work for nearly 2 weeks and Monday is the day I return. It always gets me. I should be ready for it. Armed for battle.

When I have vacation time I get a glimpse of what it would be like to be a full time stay-at-home mom. I revel in it! I feel more relaxed around the kids. I enjoy keeping our home. I try new recipes. I usually feel highly motivated. Everything about it feels right. I think that's why I struggle so much with the looming work week. I worry that I'll never be able to stay home full time- to fulfill that deep longing.

Praise God I only have to work part time for my benefits, but I'm not the kind of woman who wants to have it all. If it weren't for the insurance I would've quit 4 years ago when Lucas joined our family. We tried to get private insurance a while back, but because of a couple bad years of health issues our family we were denied by EVERYBODY!

So, there I was moping in my room with tears in my eyes. I had been punishing my husband with my attitude when my eyes fell upon a bouquet of peonies I had placed on our dresser. I have always loved peonies. They are one of my favorite flowers. They have a wonderful scent. They possess a delicate, old fashioned beauty. To me it is a graceful flower full of the handiwork of God. I stepped closer to get a detailed view, to breathe in their fragrance when these words came to mind, "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin...". Ah, Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus' exhortation to never allow worry to have a place in our lives.

I wish I could say my attitude changed immediately. My stubborn, sinful heart continued to cling to the "what if's". Then I went to church. Our pastor has been doing a series on the Fatherhood of God. Guess what passage he spoke on. You got it! Thank goodness for God's continual gentle proddings. Here are a few things our pastor shared:

• Anxiety is an assault on the Fatherhood of God.
• Worry is rejection of:

1. God's care for you.
2. God's better wisdom for you
3. God's provision for you.

• Strategies for defeating worry:

1. Get your focus back onto Jesus Christ.
2. See worry for the sin it is.
3. Align your priorities with his Kingdom and God will provide what you need to get it done.

I believe God will provide us with a private insurance policy when the timing is right. We have enough health history that it would be foolish for us to go without, but God knows that too! I don't know why it hasn't worked out so far, but my goal now is to focus on Him and how He wonderfully provides for us at just the right time.

Sweet Moments

Today, I was reflecting on the precious times Lucas and have been able to share recently. They are small ordinary moments, but they have touched my heart.

He and I are usually the first one's to wake in the morning. On school days I wake him and quickly get him dressed. On the other days I usually hear his soft little footsteps heading toward me in our living room, as he knows this where he can find me. Either way we settle onto the couch to read several stories before breakfast. His current favorites seem to be of the Dr. Seuss genre. I love those early morning moments when we are snuggled together on the couch spending quality time with "Green Eggs and Ham" and "The Cat in the Hat".

Another special time is at bedtime. For a long time now I've given Lucas what he calls "sounds kisses" (also known as "raspberries" or "zerberts"). Usually he gets two sounds kisses, but sometimes I give him a whole symphony. The best part is the uncontrollable belly laughter that follows. Boys of all ages seem to get such a kick out of such sounds. I love to lay next to him and soak up such joyful noise.

I know there will be a day when these times will no longer present themselves. Even though Dr. Seuss can get pretty old and I can be dead tired at the end of the day I pray that God will continue to remind me that these days are only here for a time. And when I surrender my selfish desires I am not disappointed with the special memories I have in return.

What Do You Do When...

...you think you see God's hand leading in a certain direction only to find He was leading you to a place you weren't sure you wanted to go?

This has been a week of unsettling news and frustrating events. Multiple things have come to a head in the past week. My heart is heavy for those in my life who are facing difficult times. And my first instinct is to worry. I must continually remind myself God is faithful and loving... and He is worthy of my trust! I may not understand what He has in store for us, but we do have this promise:

Psalm 145: 13-19

¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.

The LORD upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.

¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.

¹⁶ You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.

¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.