This weekend I've been in a funk. I've been off of work for nearly 2 weeks and Monday is the day I return. It always gets me. I should be ready for it. Armed for battle.
When I have vacation time I get a glimpse of what it would be like to be a full time stay-at-home mom. I revel in it! I feel more relaxed around the kids. I enjoy keeping our home. I try new recipes. I usually feel highly motivated. Everything about it feels right. I think that's why I struggle so much with the looming work week. I worry that I'll never be able to stay home full time- to fulfill that deep longing.
Praise God I only have to work part time for my benefits, but I'm not the kind of woman who wants to have it all. If it weren't for the insurance I would've quit 4 years ago when Lucas joined our family. We tried to get private insurance a while back, but because of a couple bad years of health issues our family we were denied by EVERYBODY!
So, there I was moping in my room with tears in my eyes. I had been punishing my husband with my attitude when my eyes fell upon a bouquet of peonies I had placed on our dresser. I have always loved peonies. They are one of my favorite flowers. They have a wonderful scent. They possess a delicate, old fashioned beauty. To me it is a graceful flower full of the handiwork of God. I stepped closer to get a detailed view, to breathe in their fragrance when these words came to mind, "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin...". Ah, Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus' exhortation to never allow worry to have a place in our lives.
I wish I could say my attitude changed immediately. My stubborn, sinful heart continued to cling to the "what if's". Then I went to church. Our pastor has been doing a series on the Fatherhood of God. Guess what passage he spoke on. You got it! Thank goodness for God's continual gentle proddings. Here are a few things our pastor shared:
- Anxiety is an assault on the Fatherhood of God.
- Worry is rejection of:
- God's care for you.
- God's better wisdom for you
- God's provision for you.
- Strategies for defeating worry:
- Get your focus back onto Jesus Christ.
- See worry for the sin it is.
- Align your priorities with his Kingdom and God will provide what you need to get it done.